The Little Things...

It is Sunday morning at 7:45 am. My house is quiet because everyone is still asleep (say what?!?). It rained last night and all the windows in the house are opening and a light, rain soaked breeze is blowing in the windows. Today is the Sabbath. We worked hard around the house yesterday so we could enjoy today and relax and not worry about any chores or obligations. I put a pot of coffee on and am heading in the kitchen to make some coffee cake for breakfast. When everyone gets up we will eat and head to church. After church we will enjoy each other as a family, relax and share a meal. This is what I think Sundays are supposed to be. Time together with family, worshipping God and thanking Him for all the blessings He has given us, and taking time to rest. I wish I was this purposeful every week. I'm really going to make an effort to be because I want this special day for my family and I want my girls to make this a priority in their own homes one day. I don't know why God has seen fit to bless us so richly but I will spend my days praising Him for it and sharing the gifts He has given us with others. Happy Sabbath!

"Oceans"

I love this song....trying to make it my prayer every day.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Happy New Year!

Wasn't the world supposed to end, like 14 years ago? Every year that passes reminds me that we are not in control and none of us can figure out God. Whew! What a relief!

As I contemplate the past year and this year to come, I think about all the blessings God has given us.

- a loving and healthy family
- friends who are as close as family
- a church family that is focused on living on mission with Christ in our community
- neighbors who have become great friends
- a street where kids still play in the evenings and people stand on their driveways and talk
- 2 girls who are fun and sweet and smart and healthy and love life
- a 5 year old who just became a Christian yesterday. Thank you Jesus!
- a husband who goes to work even when it's not fun in order to provide for us
- enough food
- enough clothes
- a warm and safe house
- a group of friends who make life easier and more fun
- a God who provides for and meets all of our needs

I usually come up with a long list of resolutions and to do's for myself at the start of each year. I would be lying if I said that wasn't going on in my head right now :), but this year I want to focus on living each day with an awareness of the gift that it is and with my purpose on this earth always at the forefront of my mind. God has placed me and everyone else here to glorify Him and serve people. As we start a year that is going to include homeschooling our children, I want to keep that thought in my mind and my heart and my actions as we teach them and raise them and expose them to life and the love of Jesus.

May this year be full of love and work and fun all pointing to Jesus!

"The way we spend our days is, of course, the way we spend our lives"

"Only have your will and way in us Savior, nothing else matters."

Thoughts....

My mind and my heart are being challenged and inspired and moved by the words to this amazing song:

I'm laying down my life, giving up control. Never looking back, I surrender all. 

I'm living for your glory on the earth. 

This passion in my heart, this stirring in my soul. 

To see the nations bow, for all the world to know, I'm living for your glory on the earth.

For the sake of the world, burn like a fire in me. 

Light a flame in my soul for every eye to see. 

For the sake of the world, burn like a fire in me.

For every knee to bow down. For every heart to believe. For every voice to cry out.

Burn like a fire in me.

For every tongue to confess you alone are the king. 

You are the hope of the earth.

I look around me, at the world, my community, my friends, my church, my family, myself. We are all so easily caught up. Recently I've been feeling such a sadness as I see people backing away or becoming so busy in the midst of their own lives that they (and myself) fail to see the suffering or joy or the moments, good and bad, that are happening all around them. I want to throw away the phones and the computers, the TV's, the schedules and to-do lists so that people can see each other, themselves, Jesus. HE is really all that matters anyways. After 28 years of being a Christian, I'm finally getting it. The past couple years God has been working on my heart and my mind, molding and shaping me and for the first time, I can feel it, see the change, desire it. All I want is to be what HE wants me to be. The reason we are all here is to glorify God and serve one another. In the end, all that will matter, is what we have done for HIM. How I live matters. People are watching, with expectations and needs, desperate for hope. Desperate to know that their pain and suffering has a purpose, that it's not all for nothing. The words to the song haunt me. I desire to be a light, a FIRE that burns with such intensity that everyone I love, everyone I meet would be drawn to it. I have so far to go but I am so glad for the desire. Burn, baby, burn...

For the sake of the world

What does it look like?

Time with Heggie

Every Friday we spend time with "Heggie". My grandma has dementia now and days with her are not always easy but last Friday, as I watched she and Avi watching Disney Jr. together and Millie came in from her nap and crawled up on Heggie's lap, I couldn't help but feel blessed to have this time with her. I don't know how much longer God will keep her here but she has been a blessing to me my whole life and now it is time to give back a piece of that to her. We love you Heggie!

7

My book club is reading through "7" by Jen Hatmaker and we are loving it. It is an easy read because the author is so funny and entertaining. The whole book is basically her journal entries as she goes through 7 months of getting rid of excess in her life. I'm only on the third chapter but it was about possessions and man, was it a good one. Here are some excerpts I really appreciated:


"'I had come to see that the great tragedy in the church is not that rich Christians do not care about the poor but that rich Christians do not know the poor...I long for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other...I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end" - Shane Claiborne p. 71

"I pray for the woman who will literally walk in my shoes. Jesus, embrace her with safety and healing. With every step she takes, wrapped in my clothes, may she know your faithfulness and experience your redemption. Take her to that sacred place with You where there is no more abuse, no more violence, only the sweet rescue of salvation." p. 77

"The working poor are one missed shift from homelessness, one lost paycheck from hunger, one overdue bill from repossession. However, they learn to camouflage nicely into society. They laugh at the right jokes and deflect questions with sarcasm or silence. The children are ashamed to admit they haven't eaten all weekend or can't afford to play soccer, so you'd never know. In many ways they are invisible." p. 84

"I wondered if the American church was like well-mannered nice-talkers, sitting in a living room sipping coffee, talking about choir practice, while the world burns down outside our windows. While the richest people on earth pray to get richer, the rest of the world begs for intervention with their faces pressed to the window, watching us drink our coffee, unruffled by their suffering." p 90

"Grayed-down discipleship is an easier sell, but it created pretend Christians, obsessing over Scriptures we like while conspicuously ignoring the rest. Until God asks for everything and we answer, 'It's yours,' we don't yet have ears to hear or eyes to see. We're still deaf to the truth, blind to freedom, deceived by the treasures of the world, imagining them to be the key when they are actually the lock." p. 93

Oh, there was so much more but it has left me in a place of some confusion, some questions, some fear, some excitement and a whole lot of soul searching to do. It's a good place to be.

Book Club

This summer I was so blessed to be part of a book club. I got to know some amazing women and read 2 of the best books I've ever read. They changed me. They changed my relationship with God. They changed the way I look at people and life and my community.

God has been bombarding me with the idea of living in community with others, caring for my community and the people around me and being on mission with Him. So many things keep bringing me back to these ideas and I know He is doing a work in my heart. I'm excited to see what it becomes.

The books we read were "Hinds Feet on High Places" and the sequel to it "Mountains of Spices" both by Hannah Hurnard. They both tied in perfectly with what God had been placing on my heart and gave me so much to think about. I now recommend them to everyone!

I learned that there is nothing more important in this life than glorifying God and loving and serving people. I learned that real love is to give and give and give some more without expecting anything in return. I learned that I was created to be a vessel used to serve people and to continually pour myself out to those who need something. I learned that only Jesus can fill me back up again. Intellectually, I knew most of these things already but they are finally beginning to become a reality in my life. I'm starting to see more clearly what needs to change.

The next books I'm reading to help in this journey that God is taking me on are:

"7" by Jen Hatmaker
"Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper
"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan
"The Gospel-Driven Life" by Michael Horton

I'm open to more suggestions :)


Anyways, the book club was amazing! On our last day, we had a beautiful tea while talking about what we learned. It was such a blessing!

To my two sweet girls,

You know this blog is for you right? I want you to be able to look back on your childhood and see all the fun we had. But along with that fun comes some not fun stuff also. Today was one of those days. Avi bug, you are such a fun girl. So crazy and funny and loving and sweet but you also are having a hard time being gentle with your sister and controlling your attitude. Because of that, we are having a week of training sessions. Millie, we are doing some training with you as well. You are one of the most friendly, laid back, content babies I've ever known but you are learning not to throw your food or tantrums and are learning what boundaries are. I just want you both to know, when you look back some day, that I don't enjoy having to watch you struggle or hear you cry. It breaks my heart. But for both of you, my deepest desire is that you grow up to be women who love Jesus and serve Him. Women who are kind and respectful, make good decisions and take responsibility for yourselves and your choices. I know that that starts young. So, if there are times when you look back on your life and think it was easy for me and Daddy to discipline you, I want you to hear me when I say it's not. I feel like crying every time either of you do. I want to give in and let you have the ice cream, or watch the show or go somewhere special but we have to discipline you because we love you and that is how you will learn and grow. Really, I just want you both to know how much we love you and how proud we are of you. No matter what bad choices you make, our love for you will never change. We are doing the hard things now so that hopefully, when you get older, it will be mostly fun stuff and there won't have to be as much discipline. I love you both so much.

Love,
Mommy

Being a mom...

There are so many things I love about this job of being a stay-at-home-mom! It can be so challenging at times and exhausting but it is always worth it. Here is probably my number one reason why I love it so much:

This is the first picture that Avi has drawn that actually looks like what she was trying to draw. I think she said it was me, but no matter who it is, it looks like a person! I love that I get to experience all the firsts. I don't have to hear about them from a daycare or a babysitter. I am there for every bump and bruise, every new sound or new word, every question, every new discovery, every laugh and every tear. I wouldn't trade it for any amount of money or any other job. I am so thankful that God has blessed Brian with a good job so that I can stay home and be there for every new moment.

More inspiration....

I just loved this quote from the same clip I shared yesterday. What are your thoughts?

"One of the most powerful apologetics of the gospel is when a group of people love one another and live in unity together, in the midst of a broken, dark, depraved world. They don't think they have to remove themselves from the world to be sanctified because they believe the gospel is powerful enough to sanctify them in the middle of a broken world".

Inspiration

At community group tonight, our pastor showed us this you tube clip. It really affected me and helped me to understand more tangibly what it means to be Gospel centered. God's been working on me in little bits and pieces and I'm starting to feel like it's coming together to show me at least part of a whole picture.

What do you think of the clip?

Forgotten God

I just finished "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and man! That book was convicting! I love taking a deeper look at the things that need to change in my life and Francis has given me a lot to think about. A couple weeks ago I posted this blog: http://molerfam.blogspot.com/2011/06/book-club.html (I don't know how to do the fancy link thing that others know how to do!) with questions I'm asking myself from the book. Here are some more:

Do I know God and am I known by Him intimately?

Am I acutely and consistently aware of the Spirit's presence inside of me?

Do I take for granted the fact that Christ died for me SO THAT the spirit could dwell IN me?

Am I so focused on knowing God's will for my future that I ignore what He wants to do in me today?

Am I trying to add Jesus to my life rather than following and obeying Him?

Do I really understand what true repentance requires?

Am I willing to suffer anything and forsake everything for the sake of the gospel?

Am I playing an active role in my journey toward wholeness? Where is the balance between this active role and a works-based faith?

Am I submitting to the Spirit's authority in my life or ignoring His counsel?

What fruits of the Spirit am I exhibiting in my life?

Do people look at my life and KNOW I can't be doing it on my own? Do they see the Spirit working in me?

Am I taking credit for things that God is doing in my life? Am I prideful or do I want to make it look like I have it all together?

Do I have a timid heart or am I "set ablaze with strength and courage"?

The fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Do I have more kindness and faithfulness than Mormons? More self-control than Muslims? More peace than Buddhists? More joy than Atheists? More love than Hippies? Am I living differently than everyone else because God lives IN me?

Even though I'm saved and have a secure eternity, could I be missing the point just as much as those who are "lost"?

Am I filled with joy?

Do I experience genuine peace regardless of life circumstances?

Do I consistently respond with kindness no matter what I receive from others?

Am I more focused on what God wants me to do rather than who He wants me to be?

Do I know God so well and love Him so much that I can anticipate what He wants from me without having to constantly ask just like I can with my husband?

When people see my life, do they respond by praising God?

Am I sinning by knowing what I'm supposed to do and not doing it? (James 4:17)

Do I really love people as much as God loves me?

Why am I not helping people more?

Do I have the courage to finally be an advocate for abused and neglected children?

Book Club

I've started a book club/Bible study with some of the ladies from church and I'm really enjoying it. This one by Francis Chan is on the Holy Spirit. We've only met twice, but already I am learning so much and doing a lot of thinking. Some of the questions I'm struggling with right now are:

In what areas of my life do I need to change to an exegetical perspective (start with scripture and allow it to dictate my life)

Do I look, feel, act, think differently than someone who doesn't have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of them?

Am I living in active, astonishing and amazed truth that I am a new creation?

What do I fear and how does it stop me from fully serving, loving and listening to God?

Do I still try to control certain aspects of my life? What are they?

Am I missing the mission because I'm so focused on and sure of my plan?

What if I think I hear the Holy Spirit and I get it wrong?

Are there areas of my life where I need to give myself over to sheer obedience rather than waiting for that "feeling"?

In what ways have I grieved the Spirit? How would I know?

Why do I want to stay on earth?

Why do I want the Holy Spirit?

How am I shaping my children into lovers of Jesus?

How am I ministering to those around me?

Who does God want me to love for Him today?

Do I really understand my depravity and my great need for grace or do I think I am better than I actually am?

As you can see, I've got a lot to think about and a lot of work to do.

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong?

"When I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for a different world." - C.S. Lewis

"O God, Thou hast made us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee."
 - Augustine

Dear Brian,

This morning started out with Millie and I smiling at each other in bed. Then Avi peed successfully on the potty and we had breakfast together. Avi and I did school together and learned another catechism. It was such a beautiful day out that we played in the water, rode her bike and built sand castles together in her sandbox. We came in for lunch and are now enjoying rest time. This afternoon I'm preparing for Little Learner's Club tomorrow by making rainbow jello cups and getting craft supplies together. I'm hoping some friends can come over for dinner tonight for BBQ chicken and dessert.

I'm telling you all of this because I need you to know that because of you, wonderful days like this are a part of every week for me. I LOVE being able to stay home with our children! Teaching them, playing with them, caring for them and loving them are my purpose right now and I couldn't be happier about it. Being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of hard work but I would never change it. As I sat there reading to Avi today and coloring with her, nursing Millie and smiling back and forth, I found myself thinking that I can't imagine letting some stranger at daycare have these moments with them instead of me.

You have a very difficult, dangerous and demanding job. I'm glad you love it but I also know that it is a lot of hard work. You risk your life daily for complete strangers and you go do this job happily every morning for us. Because you are willing to work hard, I get to raise our children and be part of beautiful, funny and amazing moments each day. I'm sure there are days when you wish you could be the one at home but I'm so grateful that you allow me to do it.

Taking care of you and our babies is one of my great joys in this life. You mean so much to all of your girls. We love you. We appreciate you. We feel safe with you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me have this amazing job.

I love you.

M

Ponderings...

At church this past Sunday, Pastor Chris was just on fire and gave me some great things to think about as well as a healthy dose of conviction, which I always love.

We worked through Mark 12:28-34. The main point was God's command to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

I'm still pondering what this actually looks like and what I need to change about myself in order to make this happen. Here are some other questions and thoughts I'm working through. I'd love to know your thoughts as well.

Am I consumed with God?

What are my idols?

We spend too much time questioning God instead of just obeying Him.

We have a master which means we are servants.

What are the things that only I can do?

Am I spending my time pursuing things that don't help me love God and others better?

How am I actively loving others?



What things are you pondering?

God's Grace...

A few nights ago some of my best friends joined me for dinner at my house. It was a night filled with love and laughs and a lot of sharing of thoughts and feelings (my absolute favorite thing in the world!!). We finished off the night with a verse that I hope we will all take into 2011 and genuinely live.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong."  -- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I'm so grateful for these (and many other) wonderful women in my life who keep me grounded, love me for exactly who I am and keep life fun and amusing. Thanks girls!

Gratitude

I guess it's just the idea of a fresh start and new beginnings that make each new year so exciting for me. I feel like I have another chance to make changes or continue to work on things that need to change. I realize more and more, with each passing day, how important gratitude is. Here are two quotes that help sum up it's value:
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beattie

"Yes, there is a 'secret to happiness' - and it is gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy." -- Dennis Prager

One of my dear friends Alison has decided to "unlock the fullness of life" through photos this year. If you want to go with her on her visual journey of the blessings in her life, check out her blog: http://web.me.com/creativemama/The_Bishop_Bee/The_365_Project/The_365_Project.html
I think it will be inspiring for me even though taking pictures is not my gift.

As I get my "fresh start" this year (the newly fallen snow outside is a great visual for me), I hope to constantly live in a spirit of gratitude for all the blessings that God has given me and my family.

Two more quotes to take us into the new year (I just can't help it - I love well-worded wisdom!):

"'You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,' said Aslan, 'and that is both honor enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor in earth. Be content.'" -- C.S. Lewis

"...Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" -- 2 Samuel 7:18.

Happy New Year!

What I'm Reading

One of the books I'm reading through right now is called "The Cry of the Soul" by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman. The premise is that our emotions reveal our deepest questions about God. A few thoughts from the book have stood out to me and I wanted to share them here. Would love to know what others think!

"Rather than focusing on trying to change our emotions, we are wiser first to listen to them. They are a voice that can tell us how we are dealing with a fallen world, hurtful people, and a quizzical God who seldom seems to be or do what we expect of Him. Although emotions are generally aroused in a human context, they always reveal something about how we are dealing with God."

"...All emotion, positive or negative, opens the door to the nature of reality. All of us prefer to avoid pain - but even more, we want to escape reality. Even when life is delightful, joy is fleeting and its brief appearance only deepens our desire for more. Pleasure holds a wistful incompleteness because, even at best, it is a poor picture of what we were meant to enjoy. As a result, we never feel completely satisfied with our present life, no matter how well things go. Anticipation inevitably carries with it disappointment and longing. Emotion propels us into the tragic recognition that we are not home. And if this is true of our most pleasurable moments, then isn't it even more true of our painful memories and experiences? We will never fully enjoy what we were meant to experience until heaven. But it is not easy to embrace the tragedy of the fall and our distance from home."

Quote

One of my favorite quotes is by Annie Dillard and my sister introduced it to me a few years ago. It never ceases to make me ponder my life and the direction it's going. I hope it does the same for you. Let me know if you have any thoughts about it.

"The way we spend our days is, of course, the way we spend our lives."